Good morning Mordechai.

This story could start or end with an email I just received and responded to. Or this story could start two months ago on the narrow winding stone-laden streets of Jerusalem's Old City, or even two years earlier in the dead of winter shivering outside my former house in Nashville. This could be a story about forgiveness, about bitterness, about remembrance, or redemption. But instead, this story starts with a bizarre massage 13 years ago in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Yes, let us begin there.

The year was 2004 and I had been living in Boston for a few years. I had recently started dating someone. 2004 was a magical time before Tinder, Bumble, Okcupid, and Plenty of Fish existed; a time before the iPhone if one can imagine such a thing! So yes, we met on Craigslist. That was a thing back then. She was fun, quirky, spontaneous & wild, but a bit unstable. Ok maybe a lot unstable. But she had a dog. A german shepherd.  A great dog will make you look past a lot of things. And so I did.

During the first week I was seeing her, she informed me she was 'poly' and that she was seeing someone else already, but that 'he was cool with us'. Well, I told her I was not cool with that situation. I wasn't angry, but let her know it wasn't a situation I was comfortable with nor interested in. Within a few days, she let me know she felt so strongly about me that she told her other partner that she didn't think she was poly anymore and she only wanted to be with me. This led to me getting a LONG and rambling passive-agressive message from her partner about how much he loved having sex with her, but that she was nuts and I was doing him a favor. Oh how I wish I heeded those early warnings and red flags. The kicker: the guy was a huge fan of mine who had seen me perform a dozen or so times and owned all my albums. And with that, we were off to the races. 

Back in 2004, I was trying to put my life back together. I had been recovering mentally and physically from a series of major surgeries and hospitalizations surrounding a near-fatal illness in 2002. I was depressed, hopeless much of the time, suffering from PTSD, and also from physical pain. By 2004, 15 years of touring in music and DJing had finally taken it's toll on my spine. Both my neck and back went out the same year and I was 'living' with nearly constant excruciating nerve pain. Not everyone knew this, but I couldn't use my right arm for about 6 months. It shifted back and forth between having no feeling whatsoever and a horrifying flood of high voltage electric nerve pain. It is a feeling one only understands if one has the misfortune of experiencing it. Showering was a challenge, getting dressed was a 20 minute project, lifting a guitar was a pipe dream. I went for many tests, MRIs, PT, steroid shots, pain pills, and spent hours on the phone with suicide hotlines. I was just barely living and couldn't imagine going on much longer in that condition. My then-partner suggested I go to see a 'friend' of hers in Cambridge who was a massage therapist. I was desperate so I agreed. Let's call him Mordechai.

I do not write 'her' name anymore. I do not speak it aloud. I cringe now when I see it in print or hear it. For the purposes of this story, let's refer to her as Irma (after Irma Grese, the 'Beast of Belsen' for those into Nazi concentration camp history). So, Irma set an appointment for me to meet Mordechai at his apartment/massage studio in Central Square. I didn't fully know what I was getting into, but I was desperate, depressed, and in constant pain. Once I was at Mordechai's place, I got on his massage table, clothed of course, as he proceeded to torture me with the most painful 'trigger point' massage ever conceived of. I probably made it through 15 minutes of that agony. Worse than the massage though was the small talk. It was odd and borderline creepy. He kept asking inappropriate questions about Irma and about our budding relationship. By the end of the ordeal, I remember thinking Mordechai was no ordinary friend. They had been lovers or something more involved. I never asked Irma. I never asked Mordechai. I didn't care. I didn't want to know. Regardless, I left his studio that day and thought I would never see him again. That was to change 12 years later in Jerusalem of all places. But one thing at a time.

We can skip 2014. I have written extensively about that year. About the tragedy that brought Irma and I back together in 2013 against all my better judgment. And of course, I have written about the bitter end. Sure there are followups, like learning of her child last fall on social media. But this story is about Modechai, me, and an email he sent this morning. Mind you, I have had possibly 3 conversations with him my entire life. But on a random Shabbat afternoon, in the Jewish quarter of Jerusalem's old city, there he was. Two months ago... In the flesh... "Mordechai?!?!?" I exclaimed as we literally bumped each other walking through that narrow passage way. I had to remind him who I was, but we both looked a bit different. Turns out he had moved to Israel shortly after that odd day in 2004. He was very religious and was wearing all the clothing one might expect from an orthodox Jew in Jerusalem. He now wore a long unkempt red beard with proud curly payes down the side, a traditional black hat and coat, and he was running late to yeshiva. "Russell!! How many years has it been?" I told him exactly how many it had been. Before long, he asked about Irma. How couldn't he? I gave him a very brief history of the fall of Rome. Mordechai looked on in shocked amazement as I explained what had become of her. We laughed awkwardly about coincidences/small worlds, we said our goodbyes, and I figured that would be the end of that for another 12-13 years.

Then came this morning. I didn't sleep particularly well last night. I seldom do. I suffer from insomnia after spending years on the road, and am haunted by many demons that just won't die. When I awoke, my brain was fixed on my search for serenity in the new world (The West Coast). Out of the silence came a *ding* and a popup message on 3 devices (Thanks Steve Jobs). And with that, I was pulled right back into a world I thought I had escaped from. It was Mordechai. And as usual, the subject was Irma. What follows will simply be the email thread as it played out. I am ok. I will be fine. My stress level was through the roof as I began writing this morning.. But somehow, I find that turning my pain into stories and sharing with anyone who cares to read them calms me down. A lot. I have no pride, so I take all the help I can get. 

7:03AM CST Mordechai: 

          subject: great to see you in jerusalem!!

                                      

          id like to broker a peace between you and irma

                                      

          i didnt tell her i saw you i havent talked to her in years

                                      

          i think its just good for everyone to try

                                      

          i have literlaly no investment in this and like you both 

                                      

          peace is good!!

7:23AM CST Me:

          She deserves nothing of the sort. She is one of the most evil human beings on the planet. 

She commit fraud and lied to me. She stole my home, kept me around for months, took advantage of my family's kindness, THEN threw me out of my own home in the middle of a frigid night. At midnight. 

After that she lied to a judge several times trying to further terrorize me by falsely accusing me of abuse in an attempt to steal my dog. She commit purgery that day and was thrown out of court. Among other lies, her insane brain told a sitting judge that my dog was a 'gift to her from the dog breeder'. The dog breeder however was a longtime friend of mine and was in court that day as MY witness. 

Irma was sleeping with someone else and got knocked up right after we were in court. (Unless she lied and that evil baby is mine. I certainly hope not). 

The next time I hear her disgusting name, I truly hope it is someone asking me if I heard that she died. Ph^ck her. For eternity. May she know no peace in her life. She is a sociopathic maniac who deserves nothing but suffering, pain, and misery. 

Other than that, hope you are doing well. 

7:27AM CST Mordechai (with a partial but irrelevant reveal I had always suspected):

Subject: wait so you are saying you dont want to? lol 

wow im glad i didnt end up with her!!

what a journeyh sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh man sorry to hear it

of course a peace would involve fair restititution but ok lets let it go

          my friend and i wished we had invited you to come hang out at yeshiva with us!! 

7:40AM CST Me:

         I would have loved to. Maybe next time. 👍🏼



As I write this on the couch, I am snuggled between Rosie, my beautiful boxer girl and Casey, my boston terrier who has been faithfully by my side for so many years. I hope you all have a great and meaningful day. We don't know how many days of any sort are left in this world nor how many are left in our lives. Someday, I hope to trust again. Someday I hope to love openly again. Someday I hope to walk tall again and return to making art in the way I know I am meant to. I hope someday is soon. 

Peace

Water is thicker than the blood of fascists! #nazi #trump #muslimban #theresistance

Water is thicker than blood. Especially when that blood flows through the hardened arteries of a racist conservative piece of shit!

This morning, I had to disown a blood relative after he disrespected my mother. Fred Wolff (I name names). He has been a raging conservative asshole (redundant) for years. Among other things, I told him to fuck off; what a worthless piece of shit he is; what a horrible human being; and what a shameful excuse for a JEW (of all things) he is to still support Nazi Scumbag Trump.

After all that loveliness was done, I walked silently to the giant Meiji temple and shrine in Harajuku, Tokyo. I meditated a bit and considered how many people I care about who actually support this monster.

I have come to the undeniable conclusion that I cannot respect their choice. They are completely full of shit and contradicting everything they said and did for the last 8 years. I can't tell if they are terrified, ignorant, bigoted, or just fucking stupid. But these people and their decision to support (actively or passively) bigotry, fascism, white supremacy, misogyny, rape and murder of innocent men, women, and children, mass expulsions from our nation and bans from passing through our borders based on religion... These are simply indefensible un-American values for which there can and should be no respect given. There is quite literally nothing less American than those views.

This is NOT a time for coming together. Unless that means coming together as Americans to fight the bigotry and tyranny of our new fascist dictator and his little Nazi bitches.

But if not, then this is a time for rising up against this administration in any and all possible ways. This is civil war. Bring the motherfucker on! I am fighting!

As we learned in the last civil war, there is nothing more American than fighting to protect the union, and also: the confederacy will fall once again. I just hope we don't belong to Russia by then. (Seriously, that's a thing)

Thank you David Hungate for loaning me some lighter fluid that my fire desperately needed!

Viva la resistance!!!

You are the destroyer of worlds.

I am sickened. I cannot and will not remain silent.

To all those people who supported this monster, this Hitler, this destroyer of worlds... To all those who said: 'he is just saying these crazy things to get elected', 'he doesn't even mean what he says', or 'he won't actually do any of these things'...

To those who proudly ignored us while the SANE people begged you and pleaded with you to support Hillary Clinton, the most qualified presidential candidate in history, and to do so for the good of our world...

SHAME ON YOU.

YOU bear responsibility. YOU have blood on your hands and should never sleep another peaceful night on this earth. YOU have condemned innocent human beings to torture, rape, and death. YOU have no moral compass. YOU are Donald Trump and YOU are everything he stands for. YOU are the bigot, the racist, the homophobe, the misogynist, the antisemite, the white nationalist, the Nazi, the anti-American policy maker, the tax evader, the rapist, the hater of
Muslims, the killer of women and children.

When the final bomb falls and the dust of a thousand years settles, it will have been YOU that caused all of this...

YOU are the destroyer of worlds.

Two black guys, a Jew, and Paul Wolff walk into a Thai restaurant…

There we were, together at a table in a strip mall; in an Laos restaurant with 837 reviews on yelp and 4 solid stars; on the eve of the illegitimate inauguration of the worst man to ever run for president. A scumbag like no other, a rich bully out of touch with anyone beyond his family and circumstances, a white supremacist, an antisemite, a proud rapist, a con man, a tax criminal, a man guilty of treason, a man that speaks of ‘banging his own daughter’, and so much more. As we ordered dinner, all of us minorities… (and Paul), the conservation turned inevitably to what we now faced: a reality too horrible to fathom, and an undeniable end of the United States of America. It is a conversation that has gone on for over a year now; one that intensified after the election. 

At approximately 3:00am EST on November 10, 2016, when the election was called in favor of this awful human being, WE collectively stood at the edge of a cliff. Paralysis took over our motor skills, disbelief occupied our mind, we were unable to breathe… What next? Do we jump now? Do we slit our wrists, THEN jump? Do we tie a rope to a tree, put a noose around our neck, THEN slit our wrists, and THEN jump? Most of us just stood at the edge, stunned, staring hopelessly into the flaming abyss. Many people, (I will not out them) made plans and took actions. I know several people personally who have established citizenship in other countries since that night. And then there were the activists… (many of whom didn’t even fucking vote) YOU STAY AND FIGHT would become their battle cry.

The reality is, we the people have very little control over what has just happened, nor what is bound to continue to happen. While most of us (especially the poor and people in the arts) are worried about losing healthcare, there are much larger moves being made on the chess table. Putin, Netanyahu, Trump… all buddies. Think about that for a second. Please, I beg you. I am very pro-Israel because I am not a schmuck. I cannot be blind to how anti-semitic the world and the UN are. But Netanyahu? Complete bully and douchebag. The three of them together can make up their own axis of evil. Not to mention all the extreme rightwing leaders around the world now joining them in a joyous hora around their cauldron of death. (google hora my goyish friends). This is one of those moments in history where almost nothing good can come from where we stand. And at this sobering moment, I am very grateful to be surrounded by friends and artists right now. I will not turn on my tv today, and I  will turn off news notifications. Later today, I get to perform on stage with my friend Larry Mitchell at NAMM and that is a great honor and privilege. Larry is one of the sweetest and most talented human beings on the planet. Great friend, great man.

As I write this, our finest and classiest president, Barack Obama and his beautiful wife and family just left the White House for the last time. (until Michelle is elected). I am so proud to be a citizen of the world. Proud to have compassion for people of all races, faiths, and sexual orientations regardless of their socio-economic station in life. (THANKS MOM!) I am proud to stand up and fight vigorously for the rights of those who do not yet have ‘equal rights’ and to call any conservative a bigoted asshole when they say ‘those people’ want ‘special rights’. But this morning, and many other mornings over the last year, I find myself deeply ashamed and flat out sickened to be an American. Here’s the thing: REAL patriotism will make any decent American share that feeling at this moment. (Fuck you Lee Greenwood and your confederate fans) I know so many of you good people are out there. And I share in your shock and mourning for our nation. The United States of America had such great potential. But it is officially over. We have no moral authority… anywhere in the world. Not home, not abroad. And in 4-8 years, we may have no world left. 

I urge you all to do something I did (though quite accidentally). When I almost died 15 years ago, that illness effectively ended my artist career. It altered the course of my life, and left me with the gifts of PTSD, depression, and insomnia. For a couple of years I was suspended in a cryogenic state, unable to move, think, make any forward progress in my life. Then, somehow, I was able to wake up. I was reborn. I had a level of drive and energy I never knew BEFORE I got sick. And I started to truly LIVE. Every day, every year, every moment. Nothing was wasted. Nothing was put off. I began to travel the world. To live fearlessly. To just GO FOR IT in all of my endeavors, no matter what the IT is. It is intimidating at times. When I think about how I have lived over the last 15 years, I think how is that possible? There is no way I can do it (But I did do it). LETTING GO OF FEAR was a side effect of almost dying and truly part of a much greater internal ‘fuck it’ movement. 

We get one life. That’s it. It can end at any second. And we cannot let the folly and bigoted ignorance of this country define our personal worth and value. There is a whole world out there. Explore it while you still can. And yes… FIGHT… FIGHT like hell for the people who don’t have it as good as you do. Don’t be a selfish asshole. If you see someone you can help in some way, it doesn’t matter that you are saving money for a new guitar, or a vacation, or addition to your house. Your soul will thank you much more for helping where you can. While today might mark the end of our country as we know it, it does NOT have to mark the end of our humanity and dignity. Donald Trump, he does not represent anyone except himself and the bigoted white supremacists who support him. But he does not in any way represent America. Not me. Not my family. Not my friends. And not anything close to the majority of this country. 

World: we are truly sorry for this scum we have elected by default and for the evil things he has already done and will continue to do. Some of it is irreversible damage. But please know that we are mourning WITH you. We are huddled with OUR families too, wondering what the heck to do next. How to make sure OUR children are safe and have a future to look towards. This is a dark day for the entire world, not only America. A dark day for women, for Jews, for Muslims, for blacks, for gays, for Mexicans, for recent immigrants, for REAL Americans (again, fuck you Lee Greenwood and your ignorant fans). There is no turning back. We have fallen off the cliff into a deep, dark valley. There is only walking forward. And since there is no light to walk towards, it is up to all of us to create that light.

Please join me today in turning off your news feeds, turning off your TVs and radios, and taking quiet moments of reflection and meditation. 

Ponder this question in those moments:

How can I be a source of healing and light in this world?

How can I be a source of healing and light in this world?

Then meditate on this theme:

I am the source of healing and light in this world.

I am the source of healing and light in this world.

GRATITUDE

Gratitude

There are certain moments, brief but oddly significant, when I take a step back and look at where my life is. It is humbling to realize how truly lucky I am and how far I have traveled on this path. Today, after a not-so-fun trip to the dentist (seriously, don't forget to floss), I went over to Blackbird Studio. For those who don't know, Blackbird is one of the premier recording studios in the entire world. And it is one where I have had the honor of working several times. Today, I was handing over some files from the upcoming Rachael Santos record I produced to my good friend & Grammy award-winning mixer, Steve Marcantonio.

Blackbird Studio to someone like me is like the Vatican would be to a devout Catholic. And walking in today took me full circle to ten years ago when I produced my first album there. They recognized me at the front desk. They pointed me down the hall to where I was meeting Steve. This priviledge was not taken lightly. I belonged there. I was welcome in a revered place in my industry.

Blackbird is where I really got my start in Nashville. Where I first met John and Martina McBride (the studio owners). Blackbird opened so many doors for me in this town. And the friends I have made along the way are spectacular. Steve is a mensch and he knows it. But he is also one of the greatest engineers of all time. I am so incredibly lucky to work with him on this project and truly grateful to call him a friend.

It seemed very fitting today to walk into Blackbird (the studio John McBride named for the Beatles song) to hang out with Steve (who was working with John Lennon the day he was stolen from this world).

I take nothing for granted. Especially now. But as I look towards the future while firmly planted in the present, these words ring true:

I stand on the shoulders of giants.

I walk on a path cleared by legends.

I humbly create art in the presence of masters.

Donald Trump: the perfect President for the United States of America.

Donald Trump is the perfect President for the United States of America, a country I am deeply ashamed of, and one that for the most part seems to deserve no better.

I have spent the last week of my life mourning bigly, drinking bigly, dreaming bigly, and making plans bigly, folks. I no longer have the strength to be the loud New York voice of reason and equality screaming out to the deaf angry ignorant ears of the confederacy. I have fought my heart out for nearly a decade here and it is time to pass on the baton. Luckily I have seen the future in the beautiful voices of young black America. They will never give up. They will not be silenced.

As I speak to my black friends, my Jewish friends (who still have a shred of humanity in them), my Muslim friends, my Hispanic friends, my immigrant friends, my female friends, I wonder to myself… How in the holy pho could this happen? How did it happen here? This is supposed to be America, land of the free and home of the brave (though we know that phrase has always applied mostly to affluent white christian males). This is not Nazi Germany, right? But, after a week of reflection I have come to an inconvenient and unpleasant conclusion…

Donald Trump is the only logical and proper representative of these <never truly> United States of America, even as his rise signals for many of us, the death of our nation. May she rest in pieces like the tattered flags left on many a bloodied battlefield.

The great veils of ‘freedom’ and ‘democracy’ have been lifted and the infection that has been festering underneath them this whole time is too grotesque and awful to look at. But I ask all Americans to look at it anyway. And never look away again. Take a deep breath and approach slowly, with a steady gate and with eyes wide open. Understand that complacency and blissful ignorance brought us to this place we stand and to this sobering moment in time. We took certain things for granted: that the civil war was over, that slavery had ended, and that all Americans have access to freedom and equality. However, this was all a great lie and brutal betrayal of our national trust.

Fueled by racism, bigotry, sexism and white nationalism, capitalism and greed have been taken to their most gruesome & horrifying end (by design of course). That is Donald Trump. Stepping on everyone in your path and destroying people's lives on your way to the top of society to grab infinite, unfettered and unchecked power. That is Donald Trump. Raping and pillaging, both in the literal and figurative sense, to fulfill your ‘god given potential’. That is Donald Trump. Corruption, racism, classism, sexism, antisemitism, homophobia, islamaphobia, and xenophobia of all kinds. That is America, and THAT is Donald J Trump.

Capitalism and entrepreneurship in and of themselves are great. They stimulate the economy, inspire innovation and invention, advance science and healthcare, they make a life in the arts possible, and they bring about social change and progress, etc… But take them to their darkest inevitable place, and that's where you will find America today; the land of the free (while having less freedoms than many other countries and incarcerating more than all, including the institutionalized imprisonment of so many black men, our new slavery); and the home of the brave (couldn't possibly be less true right now as the fear and ignorance of so many Americans brought them secretly to pull the lever for a fascist president and his Nazi sympathizing white supremacist cabinet); America is the land of the have everythings and the have nothings. And yet somewhere, hiding in the middle, are the people like me and you, who grew up being fed a steady diet of a lie that was known as 'the American dream'. While this dream exists for affluent and privileged whites, it is systematically denied to everyone else.

America has always belonged to and been governed by rich powerful white men who want to control everyone else who doesn't look, think, or pray like they do. Our founders of course wanted none of this, but to the original point, they themselves were free, white, landowning men. They wrote the rules which set in motion what could have been a beautiful experiment. However, I ask America today to look in the mirror. If you keep your eyes open, and are honest with yourselves, what you will see is Godzilla. A terrible toxic monster born out of years and years of a failed experiment. And right behind those eyes, sitting at the controls of that mechanical beast, is Donald Trump. He is wearing a gold-plated crown, sitting on the throne, and dare I suggest, he sits exactly where he belongs. Don't think so? Ask Vladimir Putin, James Comey, and other foreign and domestic players who had a heavy and corrupt hand manipulating uneducated whites to place him in power.

There was another option of course, but after decades of abusing her, you decided to pass on electing a lifelong public servant. A fighter for children and women, a former First Lady, a Senator from New York, and a globally respected Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, was too good for America. Many of us Americans are. We fight the good fight year after year, we help each other, we build communities, we give to those who have nothing, and we bring hope to those who have none. You America, you rejected all logic, reason, and compassion, and instead embraced lies, conspiracies, racism, and egomaniacal serial rapists… you elected the worst human being America had to offer. Hats off to you America, you know what shoe fit.

Growing up in and around New York City, I was led to believe that someone's religion, skin color, or socioeconomic status did not dictate their station or potential in life. However, this was a lie like so many others I was told about our country. The United States of America could have been a great place; a land of opportunity for all; a place where we educate our young people and provide healthcare for all of our citizens. But instead, this country became a shameful place. And now, with the veils of democracy and freedom finally and completely lifted, America has been exposed for all to see. Everyone around the world now knows who she is and what she stands for. America is a selfish place filled with hateful people who care nothing for anyone but themselves; they care only for what's right for THEM, THEIR religious views, and THEIR families, without regard for others who don't share their beliefs or look like them. They apparently have no compassion for others. Am I painting with a broad strokes? Fuck yes I am… But America, fuck yeah!

Donald Trump's America is the one you have been fighting for since 1776.  And I'd like to share with you just a few short examples of what has become of America since you decided to support this monster. I work with kids in the Nashville Metro school system. There are daily incidents of Muslim children being attacked verbally and physically (Hume-Fogg, Vanderbilt undergrad, others), of immigrant children being threatened by students and teachers alike to be turned in to immigration and returned to their country of origin. (Oh the irony involved there Murica!) The black children I work with feel more disenfranchised than they ever have, yet their voices WILL be heard. I know of several girls and women who have been sexually assaulted while their attackers scream things like "I am just grabbing a pussy!! USA!! USA!!"  And sadly, I know many Jews, both teachers and students, who have endured antisemitic attacks the likes of which haven't been seen for decades. And that's just within the last month.

THIS is finally AMERIKA, unfiltered. THIS is finally the real world. And THIS is just the beginning. If you have any hope left, cling tightly to it. If you have a moral compass, may it guide your path. If you believe in a god, pray to him or her for strength. If you have a soul, reach out to blacks, gays, women, Muslims, hispanic people, refugees and immigrants. Open your minds, your hearts, your doors, and your homes to them. Talk to them. See what they need and how you might be able to help them. To my white heterosexual male friends: please don't assume they automatically see you as part of the oppression. They can tell the difference. They need your love, compassion, and support at this moment more than ever. Take a stand. Reach out. Be an ally.

If you have a fight left in you, fight like hell for this place. Fight until your voice is merely a gasp for air. Fight until all of your blood has spilled onto those streets our ancestors paved and that the oppressors now walk on with comfort and safety. Fight until you can fight no longer. Fight as if your life depends on it. Because frankly, it does.

This is 9/11. Or something far worse... like Kristallnacht on THIS VERY DAY in 1938.

Full text from my blog for those who don't like clicking.

This is 9/11. Or Krystallnacht which occurred ON THIS DAY in 1938.

Friends, famiy and haters alike, I reluctantly write to all of you this morning. You know I am and will always be a New Yorker. I spent significant portions of my life in New Jersey, in Boston, and now in the very red city of Nashville. Don't listen to the people who tell you this place is liberal/blue. Or progressive.  It isn't. It is simply red. Only without the cheesy 80s lyrics and cover art.

As I finally mustered the energy to go outside and walk my dogs this morning, I entered the New World. Here is what struck me: This indescribable feeling I had as I look up at the perfectly blue sky is earily familiar. And it is not a good sign. I have only had that feeling one other time in my 43 years on this planet. And that was when I awoke to a loud noise and head up the street to get a bagel... on 9/11/2001.

My country is not what I thought it was. The people in it are not who I thought they were. And if you are not white, wealthy, and christian, I have genuine concern for your health, your safety, and your future. Nashville was never home for me. I am not a conservative. I believe in equal rights. I don't believe in guns or gods. I am not 'a Christian' though arguably neither is any Christian I have met here. In fact EVERY atheist, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist has been
more Christian than any Christian I have encountered in the Bible Belt.

So after nearly 10 years, Nashville still isn't home. I came here to advance and continue my career in music and I have no regrets whatsoever about that. The friends I have made here, the records, the greatest musicians and artists in the world, the many tours around the globe, my Music Row recording studio which has become a sacred space for me, my work with underserved kids in the teen center of the Nashville Downtown Library.

But it has all come at great price. Living here has destroyed my soul and obliterated my faith in humanity. It is time to move on. For some people, that means leaving Nashville. For others, that means leaving TN, and for yet another group of people, that means leaving America. And as I contemplate my next move VERY carefully, I support and stand in solidarity with all of them. Also I stand in conflicted tears thinking of those who will be left behind. I have spent decades fighting for them. I will never stop fighting for equal rights, financial equality, education and healthcare, but I can no longer do it from the south with a clear conscience.

My friends in the south who have always counted on me to be that loud New York yankee atheist Jew they hear fighting for what's right in a place where so much is so wrong, I am sorry. I truly hope you can forgive me. I will never stop fighting for equal rights. I'm a Jew. It's in our DNA. But I can't fight all the time. I need to strike a balance. I hope someday you can forgive me.

I just had my first American experience racial profiling: I went to the doctor and a nurse was about to take my vitals. She looked like one of Hitler's super babies: beautiful, blonde hair, blue eyes, flawless skin, perfect white smile. I asked if she had voted for Trump. She looked at me like a 'christian' deer in the headlights and I heard a southern black woman say from around the corner yell, "OH SHE SUUUURE IS". I said it that I wouldn't allow someone who voted for Trump to touch me and had that other nurse who turned out to be black came around and we shared a moment. She did NOT support that monster. I said I would only allow her to touch me. Escape can't come soon enough.

After that interaction, we hugged, we cried, she told me about her kids and what she said to them this morning. I have already had three similar  conversations with black women I didn't know. Each of those long and difficult conversations about what just happened in America ended in tears and hugs. These were strangers. Good Americans. But we found ourselves instantly bound by grief and mourning for our country and fear of what this means for our future.

My future is bright. Perhaps that is foreshadowing. But no matter where I land, I promise
you I will fight for the rights of women, Jews, minorities, Muslims, the gay community, and black lives until I can no longer draw a breath. I WILL NOT REST. But I have lost the strength to continue this fight from Tennessee, a place I never fit in from day one.

Over the next few months, I will be in Israel (where I am
afforded dual citizenship), LA (which it's own country after all), Holland, and Tokyo. I need to connect with kindred spirits and forge a new path that makes some sense of the great American tragedy that just unfolded before our very eyes.

Trump, while being a truly vile human being, has never been the cause of the problem. The true problem remains the millions of Americans willing to support such an evil racist bigoted misogynist child rapist and the conservative/religious ideology that created that monster. I had no idea how many of you are out there. I am deeply ashamed of America today. And I don't have the answer to the question on everyone's mind: What now?

I still have a studio for now. Come see me. Have a drink or
five. Make a record. Money is meaningless at this point. Pay what you can. It's a limited time offer as my time here has become limited.

I love my country. Deeply. But unfortunately, it no longer exists. And for blacks,
Immigrants, and other non-whites, it never really did. As an atheist, I lack faith, but I believe in hope. I lack god, but I believe in love and kind acts. I used to believe this country was worth fighting for. Now it feels like a scary place to escape from.

As a Jew, we are taught to never forget the lessons and horror of the holocaust. We are taught to learn from the past, to never forget. I am reminded of this very famous poem:

"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."

Pastor Martin Niemöller