Jerusalem is not 2017

No. Jerusalem, the rightful capital of the Jews in the center of the homeland is much older than that. More on that later. But as Trump fulfills promise after horrible promise, we awake today to his worst yet. Here was my unapologetic tweet regarding that:

https://twitter.com/russellwolff/status/938475765959659522

And the text: I was just saying how there’s not enough violence against #Jews in the world #fuckyou @realdonaldtrump #scumbag #racist #antisemitic #shitstain on humanity #USA #israel #Jerusalem Move unnecessary - starting more #war in #middleeast ift.tt/2jnR0FE

A friend for whom I have a ton of respect asked me in response: why is this move a bad thing?

Here was my best answer, because Jerusalem is older than this president, older than this country, older than Christianity... Jerusalem is not 2017. Jerusalem is 5778 and will be here long after we become dust and bones. 

“And nuance is just the thing here. Jerusalem is the capital city of my homeland. I know that. My people know that. The millions of people who want us dead ALSO know that. 

But those ‘enemies’ who we are made to think are the ‘Palestinian people’ are at such a disadvantage in this situation. From birth they are told a damaging antisemitic story/series of lies. It is in their textbooks. The ones funded by the UN. They are taught that my people are vermin, Dogs, villains who stole their land and must be killed off. 

So from THERE, we try to gain peace, agreement, and understanding with people who are indoctrinated to kill us. 

It is messy as fuck.  And while certain things are right and wrong, some things are harmful and unnecessary. Such as: A. The settlements. B. Demolishing Arab homes. C. Official declaration of something already understood in that region, that Jerusalem is the capital of the Jewish state. 

It spits in the face of the peace process and does nothing but throw salt into the ever-fresh wounds of people who are taught (brainwashed) by terrorists to believe alternative facts.”

Spacey and Weinstein and Cosby, Oh My!

For anyone wondering, the answer is no. 

I take no pleasure in posting all the personal things I have been posting recently. But I feel compelled to. This has been a very difficult time and a huge distraction from what I believe to be my life's work. However, this mountain is in my direct path. It could no longer be ignored. It made itself very clear. 

This is the sort of shit that keeps you awake at night... for decades. It provides a lifetime's worth of nightmares, night terrors, panic attacks, depression, guilt and shame. 

And even now, as I scream out to the world about my experiences, I am left with this: Will anyone believe me? They'll just deny it. They'll just discredit me. Maybe they'll sue me. What if I was the only kid they did this to? What if they make it impossible for me to get work in the entertainment industry again?

I don't want to be dealing with ANY of this. I really don't. It's fucking miserable and I assume others are having a similar experience. There is no great relief or satisfaction to any of it. While I believe it is important to speak out, the experience of doing so comes at a great personal toll. The past month has been brutal and exhausting. 

So if you happen to know someone else going through this, please understand we might not be running at full capacity. We might have a shorter fuse than normal. We might be more irritable. We haven't been sleeping. Our reserves are spent. And simple tasks can feel like the impossible somedays. Take it easy on us. Check in and say hi. We appreciate it. We really do. 

The Men of #MeToo

For those who want the last line first: Don't shame the men of #MeToo

The past two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. Anyone who has survived sexual assault & abuse will attest to that. Triggers are a cute word for some people to throw into a Facebook post, but they are a very harsh reality for those of us who have survived trauma. This week, thanks to the courage and strength of many great women, men who have suffered in silence for decades finally saw an entrance to the conversation. However, in many circles, they are being shut down and told to go home. That their presence is unwelcome and inappropriate. I feel compelled to address this, as that is simply not the case. Who are the men of #MeToo?

The men of #MeToo are allies & feminists. The men of #MeToo have been supporting female victims for decades without hesitation, sometimes at great personal risk. The men of #MeToo suffered silently through Sandusky, through Cosby, and for those of us in the entertainment industry, we for certain knew and dealt with a Harvey Weinstein. With every detail of every account that has emerged, we have been screaming out in silence. The men of #MeToo were desperately trying to claw our way out of this skin we are made to wear. Then, 24 short hours ago, the world changed with a single tweet. #MeToo

The men of #MeToo are an undeniable part of this conversation. For some of us, we never knew a day would come when we could openly speak of these topics. And of course, there is so much more work to do. This may be a giant leap, but it is also one small step. I have been writing about these experiences in a book for the last 10 years. But the book isn't finished yet. I hope to figure out how to speak of the men who wronged me. To speak their names.  Over the past 10 years, I have left clues throughout my writing like a trail of breadcrumbs from my youth. But that is as close as I have come. Until this week. I am terrified. I am empowered.

For those who are out there criticizing the men of #MeToo, I ask you this: Were you assaulted? Were you raped? Were you made to keep a terrible secret for 30 years while the people who harmed you are beloved by the community? Were you made to suffer and watch as they went on to lead successful powerful lives in the entertainment industry? Do you have night terrors every single night of your life because you can never be sure someone isn't waiting for you to fall asleep so they can assault you? Have you had to keep these things inside because of the stigma of being a male victim? Or the fear that no one will believe you and that you would never work again in your industry? Do you still see their faces in your nightmares? Do you still hear their horrible chilling voices? Do you get sick and have panic attacks when listening to the accounts of Cosby/Weinstein victims because you knew the details word for word?

If not, I would ask you to stop shaming us. Instead, please support the men of #MeToo. We didn't steal anyone's movement. We ARE #MeToo and we add strength to the voices, not diminish them. We too are the victims of powerful men. This time we must be seen. This time we must be heard. This time we must be counted. This moment is a turning point for so many people who have fought a lifetime to get here. No retreat. No surrender. No turning back.

A camp director, a camp counselor, a coworker at a restaurant, an AA sponsor, a conductor, a composer, a director, a casting agent #MeToo

Damaged

My gut response to reading this story is like my response to hearing Cosby's victims speak out, and Sandusky's, and so many others. Everything in my soul wants to believe the things that happened to me as a child and teenager at the hands of powerful men in the entertainment industry were embellished in my mind. That they were no big deal. That they certainly only happened to me. But then I read these accounts. And I am filled with horror and guilt. I am still as paralyzed by the potential repercussions of speaking out as I am with guilt that these predators have harmed other lives over the last 3 decades. It makes me feel like a coward and a horrible person. 

There are certain scenes, events, and images one cannot forget. Not after decades. Not after drug and alcohol abuse. Not after therapy. They are imprinted on the soul and remain an ever present burden we must walk through life carrying. This is the pain of a survivor. 

How the New Yorker's explosive expose on Harvey Weinstein came together - ABC News https://apple.news/AzTnGGZyfQXuWALI5bXGQow

We are soldiers in a war. We the entertainers. This is the new normal.

It's official. We can no longer remain silent about a truth that lays bare before our raw sleep-deprived eyes. We, we the entertainers, we are soldiers in a war. And this is the new normal.

Every time a terrorist strikes innocent people in the world, first responders, intelligence departments, police, military, they all jump into action. They don't hesitate. They don't cower in fear. They act, both to protect innocent lives and to hunt down the evil people who commit these cowardly unthinkable acts. As an artist, I have often felt helpless in this fight. But over the last few years, the terrorists have begun to strike at US, and at our fans. And guess what? We now have a new responsibility. It isn't writing a new song. It isn't praying for the victims. We are soldiers now, the risk to our lives is very real, and our mission has never been more clear nor more critical.

We are entertainers. Our job and our fight against terrorists who would seek to destroy us is simply this: TO ENTERTAIN. We must show up. We must be brave. We can pause and comfort those lost in this long battle. But as soon as possible, OUR fight must continue. Concerts must not be cancelled out of fear. Tours must not be cut short. Our world has become a black hole of misery, death, hatred, & destruction, led by dictators who thrive off war. Our job is to bring whatever light we can to all corners of our world. And now it has become crystal clear, we do so at great personal risk to ourselves and the public. We might be killed in the line of duty, but, and hear this loud and clear: THAT IS THE GIG. It might not be what you signed up for, and if you can't stomach it, then by all means, stay home. But if you are out there as an entertainer, you are personally a soldier in a war against terrorism.

Other soldiers know their mission, to hunt down and kill terrorists, to locate cells before they strike, to destroy training camps and stop indoctrination before it takes hold, both online and in person. But OUR job as entertainers is just as essential to the survival of humankind. We give the world hope. We bring people together. And to do this, we put ourselves out there in a VERY public way. Some of us will be hurt. Some of us will be killed. But this is war. And sadly, our army is not immune to those losses.

Stay strong, my fellow soldiers. Be brave, and live to fight another day!

#ArmyOfLove

NSFW (like at all): Open letter to GOP, conservatives, and other fake christians...

Hello America,

This will not be a nice letter. If I seem a little off this week there are a few damn good reasons. 1. I am in the process of uprooting my life and relocating to the last glimmer of hope in this lost cause of a country. (California). 2. A personal tragedy occurred I will share below that feeds into... 3. You have once again shown yourself to be liars and selfish, devious racists, hiding your hate behind the terms 'christian' and 'conservative' to achieve your goals.

What goals am I referring to today?
Taking healthcare away from 24 million Americans because you 'shouldn't have to pay for someone else'.

Who are the someone elses?
They are your fucking neighbors you disgusting bigoted scumbags!

They might not look like you. (But many do) They might not pray to your god. (You know, that same god who tells you NOT to be the hateful piece of shit you are, but you do it anyway). They might not have as much money as you. (Let's face it, they don't, and you resent them for it... why should good hard working christians like YOU have to pay to take care of THEM?) They might have been raped and might need an abortion which is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS YOU STUPID ASSCLOWN WHO, BY THE WAY, DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A UTERUS!!! Take care of your own family and get your own house in order and then, when YOUR daughter is raped and pregnant, YOU can chain her up in the basement and forbid her from getting an abortion. That is up to YOU. Praise Jesus! (But you know you wouldn't do that, would you? You would quietly find a Planned Parenthood 100 miles away, if you haven't shut them down yet, and you would get her the help she needs, you hypocritical slime ball).

But who really needs healthcare right?
I'll tell you who... me... you... your parents... your children... people with pre-existing conditions... and the MENTALLY ILL! You remember them, right? They are the reason for the 33,000 gun deaths in America every year. Remember what you said? It's MENTAL ILLNESS, not the unfathomable availability of guns with little to no background checks. So, you want us all to look away from common sense. We are not fucking idiots. We know it's the guns. But ok, let's play it YOUR way. Guess what? YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!

When you remove the affordable care act, you lose the option to call yourself a christian. That ship has sailed. When you do the least christian thing in the world, you should be shamed, not rewarded. You are literally sentencing innocent people to die. The sick and the poor. The mentally ill. Good luck on Sunday after church. I'd recommend a bloody mary with your brunch. Blood is already on your hands, so you might as well start drinking it too.

But what  about the MENTALLY ILL! Yeah, remember them? Surely there are no consequences by making it harder for people to be healthy. Surely nothing bad can come from taking meds and proper treatment away from depressed people, right? If only they found Jesus before they found that gun...

Every day is mental health awareness day for people with depression. Some days are mental health wakeup calls. But this week was a mental health baseball bat to the crotch! I didn't talk about this much, but now it has become more public. A terrible tragedy:

This week, a friend of mine's husband passed away. He was young. He was on his way home and was supposed to pick up their daughter. But he never made it.

That would have been awful enough. But it got worse... Questions began circulating. Answers started coming in. A trickle at first, followed by a stream, then finally a flood. It turns out, this man, this father, this incredibly brilliant, funny, and successful doctor, had in fact taken his own life.

And inexplicably, the story gets even worse. He had been suffering from depression most of his life. He had been hospitalized a couple of times over the years. What people just learned this week is that he had been hospitalized 4 times in the last 8 months. His last day alive, he was heading home, having just been released from the hospital yet again. He was to pick up his daughter. But instead, he threw himself in front of an oncoming train. No warning. His daughter left waiting for him. Her Bat Mitzvah is coming up in a week and they will still have it. I don't know how, but they will go on. My friend and her family have been through so much over the years and they are among the strongest people I know.

All of this to say, I have been very distracted emotionally and mentally. And when I think of YOU [YOU the smug conservative, YOU the self-righteous christian, YOU the greedy republican, YOU the smiling white face about to take away healthcare from the sick, the poor, and the mentally ill], all I can think of is YOUR hand on his back, throwing him and so many others in front of an oncoming train. YOU did this. YOU made healthcare so difficult to afford. YOU made mental illness a stigma so that society can be sympathetic to someone suffering from cancer, but flippant about someone suffering from depression. YOU held the razor that sliced the wrists. YOU sold the gun that pulled the trigger. YOU tied the noose that ended the pain. YOU opened the bottle that contained the pills. YOU created an environment where people suffering from depression have to be so ashamed of and secretive about OUR illness that some of us never get the help we need, lest we become ostracized in our own communities and lose our jobs. This is YOUR hand at work. I hope YOU are proud of yourselves.

I don't know if this new vote-to-end-life (yeah that's right, good luck continuing to champion a pro-life stance) will succeed in taking away healthcare from 24 million Americans. But I do know that YOU want it to. And shame on YOUR disgusting soul. Life may be too short for us to see the karma that awaits you, but may you rot in hell in THIS lifetime. May you reap what you sew.

Namaste!

Good morning Mordechai.

This story could start or end with an email I just received and responded to. Or this story could start two months ago on the narrow winding stone-laden streets of Jerusalem's Old City, or even two years earlier in the dead of winter shivering outside my former house in Nashville. This could be a story about forgiveness, about bitterness, about remembrance, or redemption. But instead, this story starts with a bizarre massage 13 years ago in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Yes, let us begin there.

The year was 2004 and I had been living in Boston for a few years. I had recently started dating someone. 2004 was a magical time before Tinder, Bumble, Okcupid, and Plenty of Fish existed; a time before the iPhone if one can imagine such a thing! So yes, we met on Craigslist. That was a thing back then. She was fun, quirky, spontaneous & wild, but a bit unstable. Ok maybe a lot unstable. But she had a dog. A german shepherd.  A great dog will make you look past a lot of things. And so I did.

During the first week I was seeing her, she informed me she was 'poly' and that she was seeing someone else already, but that 'he was cool with us'. Well, I told her I was not cool with that situation. I wasn't angry, but let her know it wasn't a situation I was comfortable with nor interested in. Within a few days, she let me know she felt so strongly about me that she told her other partner that she didn't think she was poly anymore and she only wanted to be with me. This led to me getting a LONG and rambling passive-agressive message from her partner about how much he loved having sex with her, but that she was nuts and I was doing him a favor. Oh how I wish I heeded those early warnings and red flags. The kicker: the guy was a huge fan of mine who had seen me perform a dozen or so times and owned all my albums. And with that, we were off to the races. 

Back in 2004, I was trying to put my life back together. I had been recovering mentally and physically from a series of major surgeries and hospitalizations surrounding a near-fatal illness in 2002. I was depressed, hopeless much of the time, suffering from PTSD, and also from physical pain. By 2004, 15 years of touring in music and DJing had finally taken it's toll on my spine. Both my neck and back went out the same year and I was 'living' with nearly constant excruciating nerve pain. Not everyone knew this, but I couldn't use my right arm for about 6 months. It shifted back and forth between having no feeling whatsoever and a horrifying flood of high voltage electric nerve pain. It is a feeling one only understands if one has the misfortune of experiencing it. Showering was a challenge, getting dressed was a 20 minute project, lifting a guitar was a pipe dream. I went for many tests, MRIs, PT, steroid shots, pain pills, and spent hours on the phone with suicide hotlines. I was just barely living and couldn't imagine going on much longer in that condition. My then-partner suggested I go to see a 'friend' of hers in Cambridge who was a massage therapist. I was desperate so I agreed. Let's call him Mordechai.

I do not write 'her' name anymore. I do not speak it aloud. I cringe now when I see it in print or hear it. For the purposes of this story, let's refer to her as Irma (after Irma Grese, the 'Beast of Belsen' for those into Nazi concentration camp history). So, Irma set an appointment for me to meet Mordechai at his apartment/massage studio in Central Square. I didn't fully know what I was getting into, but I was desperate, depressed, and in constant pain. Once I was at Mordechai's place, I got on his massage table, clothed of course, as he proceeded to torture me with the most painful 'trigger point' massage ever conceived of. I probably made it through 15 minutes of that agony. Worse than the massage though was the small talk. It was odd and borderline creepy. He kept asking inappropriate questions about Irma and about our budding relationship. By the end of the ordeal, I remember thinking Mordechai was no ordinary friend. They had been lovers or something more involved. I never asked Irma. I never asked Mordechai. I didn't care. I didn't want to know. Regardless, I left his studio that day and thought I would never see him again. That was to change 12 years later in Jerusalem of all places. But one thing at a time.

We can skip 2014. I have written extensively about that year. About the tragedy that brought Irma and I back together in 2013 against all my better judgment. And of course, I have written about the bitter end. Sure there are followups, like learning of her child last fall on social media. But this story is about Modechai, me, and an email he sent this morning. Mind you, I have had possibly 3 conversations with him my entire life. But on a random Shabbat afternoon, in the Jewish quarter of Jerusalem's old city, there he was. Two months ago... In the flesh... "Mordechai?!?!?" I exclaimed as we literally bumped each other walking through that narrow passage way. I had to remind him who I was, but we both looked a bit different. Turns out he had moved to Israel shortly after that odd day in 2004. He was very religious and was wearing all the clothing one might expect from an orthodox Jew in Jerusalem. He now wore a long unkempt red beard with proud curly payes down the side, a traditional black hat and coat, and he was running late to yeshiva. "Russell!! How many years has it been?" I told him exactly how many it had been. Before long, he asked about Irma. How couldn't he? I gave him a very brief history of the fall of Rome. Mordechai looked on in shocked amazement as I explained what had become of her. We laughed awkwardly about coincidences/small worlds, we said our goodbyes, and I figured that would be the end of that for another 12-13 years.

Then came this morning. I didn't sleep particularly well last night. I seldom do. I suffer from insomnia after spending years on the road, and am haunted by many demons that just won't die. When I awoke, my brain was fixed on my search for serenity in the new world (The West Coast). Out of the silence came a *ding* and a popup message on 3 devices (Thanks Steve Jobs). And with that, I was pulled right back into a world I thought I had escaped from. It was Mordechai. And as usual, the subject was Irma. What follows will simply be the email thread as it played out. I am ok. I will be fine. My stress level was through the roof as I began writing this morning.. But somehow, I find that turning my pain into stories and sharing with anyone who cares to read them calms me down. A lot. I have no pride, so I take all the help I can get. 

7:03AM CST Mordechai: 

          subject: great to see you in jerusalem!!

                                      

          id like to broker a peace between you and irma

                                      

          i didnt tell her i saw you i havent talked to her in years

                                      

          i think its just good for everyone to try

                                      

          i have literlaly no investment in this and like you both 

                                      

          peace is good!!

7:23AM CST Me:

          She deserves nothing of the sort. She is one of the most evil human beings on the planet. 

She commit fraud and lied to me. She stole my home, kept me around for months, took advantage of my family's kindness, THEN threw me out of my own home in the middle of a frigid night. At midnight. 

After that she lied to a judge several times trying to further terrorize me by falsely accusing me of abuse in an attempt to steal my dog. She commit purgery that day and was thrown out of court. Among other lies, her insane brain told a sitting judge that my dog was a 'gift to her from the dog breeder'. The dog breeder however was a longtime friend of mine and was in court that day as MY witness. 

Irma was sleeping with someone else and got knocked up right after we were in court. (Unless she lied and that evil baby is mine. I certainly hope not). 

The next time I hear her disgusting name, I truly hope it is someone asking me if I heard that she died. Ph^ck her. For eternity. May she know no peace in her life. She is a sociopathic maniac who deserves nothing but suffering, pain, and misery. 

Other than that, hope you are doing well. 

7:27AM CST Mordechai (with a partial but irrelevant reveal I had always suspected):

Subject: wait so you are saying you dont want to? lol 

wow im glad i didnt end up with her!!

what a journeyh sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh man sorry to hear it

of course a peace would involve fair restititution but ok lets let it go

          my friend and i wished we had invited you to come hang out at yeshiva with us!! 

7:40AM CST Me:

         I would have loved to. Maybe next time. 👍🏼



As I write this on the couch, I am snuggled between Rosie, my beautiful boxer girl and Casey, my boston terrier who has been faithfully by my side for so many years. I hope you all have a great and meaningful day. We don't know how many days of any sort are left in this world nor how many are left in our lives. Someday, I hope to trust again. Someday I hope to love openly again. Someday I hope to walk tall again and return to making art in the way I know I am meant to. I hope someday is soon. 

Peace

Water is thicker than the blood of fascists! #nazi #trump #muslimban #theresistance

Water is thicker than blood. Especially when that blood flows through the hardened arteries of a racist conservative piece of shit!

This morning, I had to disown a blood relative after he disrespected my mother. Fred Wolff (I name names). He has been a raging conservative asshole (redundant) for years. Among other things, I told him to fuck off; what a worthless piece of shit he is; what a horrible human being; and what a shameful excuse for a JEW (of all things) he is to still support Nazi Scumbag Trump.

After all that loveliness was done, I walked silently to the giant Meiji temple and shrine in Harajuku, Tokyo. I meditated a bit and considered how many people I care about who actually support this monster.

I have come to the undeniable conclusion that I cannot respect their choice. They are completely full of shit and contradicting everything they said and did for the last 8 years. I can't tell if they are terrified, ignorant, bigoted, or just fucking stupid. But these people and their decision to support (actively or passively) bigotry, fascism, white supremacy, misogyny, rape and murder of innocent men, women, and children, mass expulsions from our nation and bans from passing through our borders based on religion... These are simply indefensible un-American values for which there can and should be no respect given. There is quite literally nothing less American than those views.

This is NOT a time for coming together. Unless that means coming together as Americans to fight the bigotry and tyranny of our new fascist dictator and his little Nazi bitches.

But if not, then this is a time for rising up against this administration in any and all possible ways. This is civil war. Bring the motherfucker on! I am fighting!

As we learned in the last civil war, there is nothing more American than fighting to protect the union, and also: the confederacy will fall once again. I just hope we don't belong to Russia by then. (Seriously, that's a thing)

Thank you David Hungate for loaning me some lighter fluid that my fire desperately needed!

Viva la resistance!!!

You are the destroyer of worlds.

I am sickened. I cannot and will not remain silent.

To all those people who supported this monster, this Hitler, this destroyer of worlds... To all those who said: 'he is just saying these crazy things to get elected', 'he doesn't even mean what he says', or 'he won't actually do any of these things'...

To those who proudly ignored us while the SANE people begged you and pleaded with you to support Hillary Clinton, the most qualified presidential candidate in history, and to do so for the good of our world...

SHAME ON YOU.

YOU bear responsibility. YOU have blood on your hands and should never sleep another peaceful night on this earth. YOU have condemned innocent human beings to torture, rape, and death. YOU have no moral compass. YOU are Donald Trump and YOU are everything he stands for. YOU are the bigot, the racist, the homophobe, the misogynist, the antisemite, the white nationalist, the Nazi, the anti-American policy maker, the tax evader, the rapist, the hater of
Muslims, the killer of women and children.

When the final bomb falls and the dust of a thousand years settles, it will have been YOU that caused all of this...

YOU are the destroyer of worlds.

Two black guys, a Jew, and Paul Wolff walk into a Thai restaurant…

There we were, together at a table in a strip mall; in an Laos restaurant with 837 reviews on yelp and 4 solid stars; on the eve of the illegitimate inauguration of the worst man to ever run for president. A scumbag like no other, a rich bully out of touch with anyone beyond his family and circumstances, a white supremacist, an antisemite, a proud rapist, a con man, a tax criminal, a man guilty of treason, a man that speaks of ‘banging his own daughter’, and so much more. As we ordered dinner, all of us minorities… (and Paul), the conservation turned inevitably to what we now faced: a reality too horrible to fathom, and an undeniable end of the United States of America. It is a conversation that has gone on for over a year now; one that intensified after the election. 

At approximately 3:00am EST on November 10, 2016, when the election was called in favor of this awful human being, WE collectively stood at the edge of a cliff. Paralysis took over our motor skills, disbelief occupied our mind, we were unable to breathe… What next? Do we jump now? Do we slit our wrists, THEN jump? Do we tie a rope to a tree, put a noose around our neck, THEN slit our wrists, and THEN jump? Most of us just stood at the edge, stunned, staring hopelessly into the flaming abyss. Many people, (I will not out them) made plans and took actions. I know several people personally who have established citizenship in other countries since that night. And then there were the activists… (many of whom didn’t even fucking vote) YOU STAY AND FIGHT would become their battle cry.

The reality is, we the people have very little control over what has just happened, nor what is bound to continue to happen. While most of us (especially the poor and people in the arts) are worried about losing healthcare, there are much larger moves being made on the chess table. Putin, Netanyahu, Trump… all buddies. Think about that for a second. Please, I beg you. I am very pro-Israel because I am not a schmuck. I cannot be blind to how anti-semitic the world and the UN are. But Netanyahu? Complete bully and douchebag. The three of them together can make up their own axis of evil. Not to mention all the extreme rightwing leaders around the world now joining them in a joyous hora around their cauldron of death. (google hora my goyish friends). This is one of those moments in history where almost nothing good can come from where we stand. And at this sobering moment, I am very grateful to be surrounded by friends and artists right now. I will not turn on my tv today, and I  will turn off news notifications. Later today, I get to perform on stage with my friend Larry Mitchell at NAMM and that is a great honor and privilege. Larry is one of the sweetest and most talented human beings on the planet. Great friend, great man.

As I write this, our finest and classiest president, Barack Obama and his beautiful wife and family just left the White House for the last time. (until Michelle is elected). I am so proud to be a citizen of the world. Proud to have compassion for people of all races, faiths, and sexual orientations regardless of their socio-economic station in life. (THANKS MOM!) I am proud to stand up and fight vigorously for the rights of those who do not yet have ‘equal rights’ and to call any conservative a bigoted asshole when they say ‘those people’ want ‘special rights’. But this morning, and many other mornings over the last year, I find myself deeply ashamed and flat out sickened to be an American. Here’s the thing: REAL patriotism will make any decent American share that feeling at this moment. (Fuck you Lee Greenwood and your confederate fans) I know so many of you good people are out there. And I share in your shock and mourning for our nation. The United States of America had such great potential. But it is officially over. We have no moral authority… anywhere in the world. Not home, not abroad. And in 4-8 years, we may have no world left. 

I urge you all to do something I did (though quite accidentally). When I almost died 15 years ago, that illness effectively ended my artist career. It altered the course of my life, and left me with the gifts of PTSD, depression, and insomnia. For a couple of years I was suspended in a cryogenic state, unable to move, think, make any forward progress in my life. Then, somehow, I was able to wake up. I was reborn. I had a level of drive and energy I never knew BEFORE I got sick. And I started to truly LIVE. Every day, every year, every moment. Nothing was wasted. Nothing was put off. I began to travel the world. To live fearlessly. To just GO FOR IT in all of my endeavors, no matter what the IT is. It is intimidating at times. When I think about how I have lived over the last 15 years, I think how is that possible? There is no way I can do it (But I did do it). LETTING GO OF FEAR was a side effect of almost dying and truly part of a much greater internal ‘fuck it’ movement. 

We get one life. That’s it. It can end at any second. And we cannot let the folly and bigoted ignorance of this country define our personal worth and value. There is a whole world out there. Explore it while you still can. And yes… FIGHT… FIGHT like hell for the people who don’t have it as good as you do. Don’t be a selfish asshole. If you see someone you can help in some way, it doesn’t matter that you are saving money for a new guitar, or a vacation, or addition to your house. Your soul will thank you much more for helping where you can. While today might mark the end of our country as we know it, it does NOT have to mark the end of our humanity and dignity. Donald Trump, he does not represent anyone except himself and the bigoted white supremacists who support him. But he does not in any way represent America. Not me. Not my family. Not my friends. And not anything close to the majority of this country. 

World: we are truly sorry for this scum we have elected by default and for the evil things he has already done and will continue to do. Some of it is irreversible damage. But please know that we are mourning WITH you. We are huddled with OUR families too, wondering what the heck to do next. How to make sure OUR children are safe and have a future to look towards. This is a dark day for the entire world, not only America. A dark day for women, for Jews, for Muslims, for blacks, for gays, for Mexicans, for recent immigrants, for REAL Americans (again, fuck you Lee Greenwood and your ignorant fans). There is no turning back. We have fallen off the cliff into a deep, dark valley. There is only walking forward. And since there is no light to walk towards, it is up to all of us to create that light.

Please join me today in turning off your news feeds, turning off your TVs and radios, and taking quiet moments of reflection and meditation. 

Ponder this question in those moments:

How can I be a source of healing and light in this world?

How can I be a source of healing and light in this world?

Then meditate on this theme:

I am the source of healing and light in this world.

I am the source of healing and light in this world.

GRATITUDE

Gratitude

There are certain moments, brief but oddly significant, when I take a step back and look at where my life is. It is humbling to realize how truly lucky I am and how far I have traveled on this path. Today, after a not-so-fun trip to the dentist (seriously, don't forget to floss), I went over to Blackbird Studio. For those who don't know, Blackbird is one of the premier recording studios in the entire world. And it is one where I have had the honor of working several times. Today, I was handing over some files from the upcoming Rachael Santos record I produced to my good friend & Grammy award-winning mixer, Steve Marcantonio.

Blackbird Studio to someone like me is like the Vatican would be to a devout Catholic. And walking in today took me full circle to ten years ago when I produced my first album there. They recognized me at the front desk. They pointed me down the hall to where I was meeting Steve. This priviledge was not taken lightly. I belonged there. I was welcome in a revered place in my industry.

Blackbird is where I really got my start in Nashville. Where I first met John and Martina McBride (the studio owners). Blackbird opened so many doors for me in this town. And the friends I have made along the way are spectacular. Steve is a mensch and he knows it. But he is also one of the greatest engineers of all time. I am so incredibly lucky to work with him on this project and truly grateful to call him a friend.

It seemed very fitting today to walk into Blackbird (the studio John McBride named for the Beatles song) to hang out with Steve (who was working with John Lennon the day he was stolen from this world).

I take nothing for granted. Especially now. But as I look towards the future while firmly planted in the present, these words ring true:

I stand on the shoulders of giants.

I walk on a path cleared by legends.

I humbly create art in the presence of masters.

Donald Trump: the perfect President for the United States of America.

Donald Trump is the perfect President for the United States of America, a country I am deeply ashamed of, and one that for the most part seems to deserve no better.

I have spent the last week of my life mourning bigly, drinking bigly, dreaming bigly, and making plans bigly, folks. I no longer have the strength to be the loud New York voice of reason and equality screaming out to the deaf angry ignorant ears of the confederacy. I have fought my heart out for nearly a decade here and it is time to pass on the baton. Luckily I have seen the future in the beautiful voices of young black America. They will never give up. They will not be silenced.

As I speak to my black friends, my Jewish friends (who still have a shred of humanity in them), my Muslim friends, my Hispanic friends, my immigrant friends, my female friends, I wonder to myself… How in the holy pho could this happen? How did it happen here? This is supposed to be America, land of the free and home of the brave (though we know that phrase has always applied mostly to affluent white christian males). This is not Nazi Germany, right? But, after a week of reflection I have come to an inconvenient and unpleasant conclusion…

Donald Trump is the only logical and proper representative of these <never truly> United States of America, even as his rise signals for many of us, the death of our nation. May she rest in pieces like the tattered flags left on many a bloodied battlefield.

The great veils of ‘freedom’ and ‘democracy’ have been lifted and the infection that has been festering underneath them this whole time is too grotesque and awful to look at. But I ask all Americans to look at it anyway. And never look away again. Take a deep breath and approach slowly, with a steady gate and with eyes wide open. Understand that complacency and blissful ignorance brought us to this place we stand and to this sobering moment in time. We took certain things for granted: that the civil war was over, that slavery had ended, and that all Americans have access to freedom and equality. However, this was all a great lie and brutal betrayal of our national trust.

Fueled by racism, bigotry, sexism and white nationalism, capitalism and greed have been taken to their most gruesome & horrifying end (by design of course). That is Donald Trump. Stepping on everyone in your path and destroying people's lives on your way to the top of society to grab infinite, unfettered and unchecked power. That is Donald Trump. Raping and pillaging, both in the literal and figurative sense, to fulfill your ‘god given potential’. That is Donald Trump. Corruption, racism, classism, sexism, antisemitism, homophobia, islamaphobia, and xenophobia of all kinds. That is America, and THAT is Donald J Trump.

Capitalism and entrepreneurship in and of themselves are great. They stimulate the economy, inspire innovation and invention, advance science and healthcare, they make a life in the arts possible, and they bring about social change and progress, etc… But take them to their darkest inevitable place, and that's where you will find America today; the land of the free (while having less freedoms than many other countries and incarcerating more than all, including the institutionalized imprisonment of so many black men, our new slavery); and the home of the brave (couldn't possibly be less true right now as the fear and ignorance of so many Americans brought them secretly to pull the lever for a fascist president and his Nazi sympathizing white supremacist cabinet); America is the land of the have everythings and the have nothings. And yet somewhere, hiding in the middle, are the people like me and you, who grew up being fed a steady diet of a lie that was known as 'the American dream'. While this dream exists for affluent and privileged whites, it is systematically denied to everyone else.

America has always belonged to and been governed by rich powerful white men who want to control everyone else who doesn't look, think, or pray like they do. Our founders of course wanted none of this, but to the original point, they themselves were free, white, landowning men. They wrote the rules which set in motion what could have been a beautiful experiment. However, I ask America today to look in the mirror. If you keep your eyes open, and are honest with yourselves, what you will see is Godzilla. A terrible toxic monster born out of years and years of a failed experiment. And right behind those eyes, sitting at the controls of that mechanical beast, is Donald Trump. He is wearing a gold-plated crown, sitting on the throne, and dare I suggest, he sits exactly where he belongs. Don't think so? Ask Vladimir Putin, James Comey, and other foreign and domestic players who had a heavy and corrupt hand manipulating uneducated whites to place him in power.

There was another option of course, but after decades of abusing her, you decided to pass on electing a lifelong public servant. A fighter for children and women, a former First Lady, a Senator from New York, and a globally respected Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, was too good for America. Many of us Americans are. We fight the good fight year after year, we help each other, we build communities, we give to those who have nothing, and we bring hope to those who have none. You America, you rejected all logic, reason, and compassion, and instead embraced lies, conspiracies, racism, and egomaniacal serial rapists… you elected the worst human being America had to offer. Hats off to you America, you know what shoe fit.

Growing up in and around New York City, I was led to believe that someone's religion, skin color, or socioeconomic status did not dictate their station or potential in life. However, this was a lie like so many others I was told about our country. The United States of America could have been a great place; a land of opportunity for all; a place where we educate our young people and provide healthcare for all of our citizens. But instead, this country became a shameful place. And now, with the veils of democracy and freedom finally and completely lifted, America has been exposed for all to see. Everyone around the world now knows who she is and what she stands for. America is a selfish place filled with hateful people who care nothing for anyone but themselves; they care only for what's right for THEM, THEIR religious views, and THEIR families, without regard for others who don't share their beliefs or look like them. They apparently have no compassion for others. Am I painting with a broad strokes? Fuck yes I am… But America, fuck yeah!

Donald Trump's America is the one you have been fighting for since 1776.  And I'd like to share with you just a few short examples of what has become of America since you decided to support this monster. I work with kids in the Nashville Metro school system. There are daily incidents of Muslim children being attacked verbally and physically (Hume-Fogg, Vanderbilt undergrad, others), of immigrant children being threatened by students and teachers alike to be turned in to immigration and returned to their country of origin. (Oh the irony involved there Murica!) The black children I work with feel more disenfranchised than they ever have, yet their voices WILL be heard. I know of several girls and women who have been sexually assaulted while their attackers scream things like "I am just grabbing a pussy!! USA!! USA!!"  And sadly, I know many Jews, both teachers and students, who have endured antisemitic attacks the likes of which haven't been seen for decades. And that's just within the last month.

THIS is finally AMERIKA, unfiltered. THIS is finally the real world. And THIS is just the beginning. If you have any hope left, cling tightly to it. If you have a moral compass, may it guide your path. If you believe in a god, pray to him or her for strength. If you have a soul, reach out to blacks, gays, women, Muslims, hispanic people, refugees and immigrants. Open your minds, your hearts, your doors, and your homes to them. Talk to them. See what they need and how you might be able to help them. To my white heterosexual male friends: please don't assume they automatically see you as part of the oppression. They can tell the difference. They need your love, compassion, and support at this moment more than ever. Take a stand. Reach out. Be an ally.

If you have a fight left in you, fight like hell for this place. Fight until your voice is merely a gasp for air. Fight until all of your blood has spilled onto those streets our ancestors paved and that the oppressors now walk on with comfort and safety. Fight until you can fight no longer. Fight as if your life depends on it. Because frankly, it does.

This is 9/11. Or something far worse... like Kristallnacht on THIS VERY DAY in 1938.

Full text from my blog for those who don't like clicking.

This is 9/11. Or Krystallnacht which occurred ON THIS DAY in 1938.

Friends, famiy and haters alike, I reluctantly write to all of you this morning. You know I am and will always be a New Yorker. I spent significant portions of my life in New Jersey, in Boston, and now in the very red city of Nashville. Don't listen to the people who tell you this place is liberal/blue. Or progressive.  It isn't. It is simply red. Only without the cheesy 80s lyrics and cover art.

As I finally mustered the energy to go outside and walk my dogs this morning, I entered the New World. Here is what struck me: This indescribable feeling I had as I look up at the perfectly blue sky is earily familiar. And it is not a good sign. I have only had that feeling one other time in my 43 years on this planet. And that was when I awoke to a loud noise and head up the street to get a bagel... on 9/11/2001.

My country is not what I thought it was. The people in it are not who I thought they were. And if you are not white, wealthy, and christian, I have genuine concern for your health, your safety, and your future. Nashville was never home for me. I am not a conservative. I believe in equal rights. I don't believe in guns or gods. I am not 'a Christian' though arguably neither is any Christian I have met here. In fact EVERY atheist, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist has been
more Christian than any Christian I have encountered in the Bible Belt.

So after nearly 10 years, Nashville still isn't home. I came here to advance and continue my career in music and I have no regrets whatsoever about that. The friends I have made here, the records, the greatest musicians and artists in the world, the many tours around the globe, my Music Row recording studio which has become a sacred space for me, my work with underserved kids in the teen center of the Nashville Downtown Library.

But it has all come at great price. Living here has destroyed my soul and obliterated my faith in humanity. It is time to move on. For some people, that means leaving Nashville. For others, that means leaving TN, and for yet another group of people, that means leaving America. And as I contemplate my next move VERY carefully, I support and stand in solidarity with all of them. Also I stand in conflicted tears thinking of those who will be left behind. I have spent decades fighting for them. I will never stop fighting for equal rights, financial equality, education and healthcare, but I can no longer do it from the south with a clear conscience.

My friends in the south who have always counted on me to be that loud New York yankee atheist Jew they hear fighting for what's right in a place where so much is so wrong, I am sorry. I truly hope you can forgive me. I will never stop fighting for equal rights. I'm a Jew. It's in our DNA. But I can't fight all the time. I need to strike a balance. I hope someday you can forgive me.

I just had my first American experience racial profiling: I went to the doctor and a nurse was about to take my vitals. She looked like one of Hitler's super babies: beautiful, blonde hair, blue eyes, flawless skin, perfect white smile. I asked if she had voted for Trump. She looked at me like a 'christian' deer in the headlights and I heard a southern black woman say from around the corner yell, "OH SHE SUUUURE IS". I said it that I wouldn't allow someone who voted for Trump to touch me and had that other nurse who turned out to be black came around and we shared a moment. She did NOT support that monster. I said I would only allow her to touch me. Escape can't come soon enough.

After that interaction, we hugged, we cried, she told me about her kids and what she said to them this morning. I have already had three similar  conversations with black women I didn't know. Each of those long and difficult conversations about what just happened in America ended in tears and hugs. These were strangers. Good Americans. But we found ourselves instantly bound by grief and mourning for our country and fear of what this means for our future.

My future is bright. Perhaps that is foreshadowing. But no matter where I land, I promise
you I will fight for the rights of women, Jews, minorities, Muslims, the gay community, and black lives until I can no longer draw a breath. I WILL NOT REST. But I have lost the strength to continue this fight from Tennessee, a place I never fit in from day one.

Over the next few months, I will be in Israel (where I am
afforded dual citizenship), LA (which it's own country after all), Holland, and Tokyo. I need to connect with kindred spirits and forge a new path that makes some sense of the great American tragedy that just unfolded before our very eyes.

Trump, while being a truly vile human being, has never been the cause of the problem. The true problem remains the millions of Americans willing to support such an evil racist bigoted misogynist child rapist and the conservative/religious ideology that created that monster. I had no idea how many of you are out there. I am deeply ashamed of America today. And I don't have the answer to the question on everyone's mind: What now?

I still have a studio for now. Come see me. Have a drink or
five. Make a record. Money is meaningless at this point. Pay what you can. It's a limited time offer as my time here has become limited.

I love my country. Deeply. But unfortunately, it no longer exists. And for blacks,
Immigrants, and other non-whites, it never really did. As an atheist, I lack faith, but I believe in hope. I lack god, but I believe in love and kind acts. I used to believe this country was worth fighting for. Now it feels like a scary place to escape from.

As a Jew, we are taught to never forget the lessons and horror of the holocaust. We are taught to learn from the past, to never forget. I am reminded of this very famous poem:

"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."

Pastor Martin Niemöller

The end of the world as we know it and I feel sick.

Thank you to all who came to the wake and funeral of the United States of America. She entered the world with such hope and promise. But she left us after a decades long battle with cancer. I love you all and could not have survived last night without you. I am planning my next moves on this earth carefully and thoughtfully, but also rapidly. It began the minute the Nazi rise to power was complete and our country was lost forever. Reach out publicly or privately whenever you need and I will do my best to be there for you even at this moment when I can barely move.

With love and compassion for humanity,
Russell Wolff

Dear comrades: It's the end of the world as we know it.

And I feel sick!

My comrades: Be like a mensch. Be braver than all of your haters combined. Be a beautiful soul.  Have a strong spirit and compassion for others. Please vote. Please see reality. Hillary Clinton is the only logical, sane, and uber qualified choice for president. May #JamesComey face treason charges for what he might have done (single handedly end the USA with lies and propaganda for an entire week before the election while early voting was already in progress)

Our end of election Tuesday night event at my recording studio will either be an 'END OF TRUMP' celebration or an 'END OF THE USA' mass suicide. But we will need the laughs either way.

I have snacks, tissues, water bottles, and seating for a batch of folks. But bring some booze and be ready to go in for some pizza or something. Remember, Domino's Pizza corporate colors are Red, White, and Blue. Come Wednesday morning, our flag may truly be all red with a long hated yellow symbol on it.

If you still support Trump, maybe you don't follow history. One of his nicest early campaign promises it to wipe out healthcare for millions of Americans. (That directly impacts the poor and minorities) But among his truly terrifying promises is 'mass deportations' of undocumented immigrants and certain other groups like Muslims. After imposing surveillance upon free Muslim Americans simply for praying and practicing their faith in their houses of worship. One other man rose to power with promises akin to these. Adolph Hitler. Not only did he wipe out one third of my race of people worldwide, but he personally convinced millions to follow him and take part in the torture and murder of parts of my family. NEVER FORGET! NEVER AGAIN!

Misogyny, sexual assault, child rape, decades of racist crimes and payoffs to avoid them. Nonstop lies that constantly contradict other lies or things he has said. If you support him, do not DARE call yourself a Christian. You aren't. If you support him and you are a Jew, shame on you. If you support him and you just don't know any better, I wish I could reach you, but I know I can't. None of us can.

Before you vote (if you haven't already) go into that booth and imagine that YOU are a girl or woman (if you are a man). Imagine that you are a Muslim. Imagine that you are a Mexican. Imagine that you are an immigrant (undocumented or not) who contributes to our great and diverse society. Imagine that you are every person around the world who is terrified at the prospect of this thin-skinned aggressive and unpredictable evil orange dictator gaining control of the most powerful nation and military on the planet.

Whatever reason you might dislike Hillary Clinton, if you allow yourself to align yourself with actual facts and documented record, you have no choice but to concede: she is a powerful hard working accomplished woman, respected around the world, who knows exactly how government works both locally and globally, and who has a decades long record of working her ass off for YOU America. Despite all the bullshit and abuse you continue to throw at her, she wakes up, goes to work, and continues to serve YOU. She and ONLY she deserves your vote. She and ONLY she has warned it.

The way you have behaved as a country over the last several years, it is YOU who don't even deserve her. But you better wish, hope, and pray that you get her anyway!

Long live the land of the free. Long live America. Long live real estate websites with listings all over the world.

NOVEMBER 2016: TRIGGERS

Welcome to November 2016.

This has been one of the darkest years of our collective American existence. The true character of a large part of our nation has been exposed to the entire world and played out tirelessly on the media circuit. We Americans have some deep soul searching to do and for many of you, I hope you do it before you step into the booth to vote for our next leader. I don't have to tell you who the only real choice is: Hillary Clinton, a woman who has spent her entire lifetime in public service and has the scars to prove it. Don't listen to me. Do your own research. Look up the facts, not the theories. Look carefully at her opponent's record and compare it HONESTLY. But also listen to the opinion of calm and experienced republican as well as democratic sources; to major news outlets and respected newspapers; and to many of them who have never endorsed a democratic candidate. But believe it or not, I didn't wake up today thinking about the election.

I woke up today thinking about triggers. I realize that while this might be a common concept to many of us, still others see the word used on Facebook and don't fully understand it. Once you have been the victim of and subsequently a survivor of assault, discrimination, physical or mental trauma, have been on the battlefield, or dealt with any other abuse, you are the recipient of triggers. They are unavoidable and can happen at any time, place, or setting. Sometimes 'appropriate' sometimes embarrassing. Always a personal burden. They hit like a lightning strike then drown you in a tidal wave of panic, emotion, tears, dread, terror. With the flight or fight response in full gear, you just want to escape. I know you do. I do.

The past couple of years have been riddled with triggers. As far as I can remember, mine began with the Bill Cosby case and continue to this day. If you have been raped, you have had to deal with triggers. If you have been abused, you have had to deal with triggers. If you have had an angry boss or other male authority figure talk over you, scream at you, demean you, you have been dealing with triggers. If you are Mexican-American, you have been dealing with triggers. If you are a recent immigrant (documented or not) you have been dealing with triggers. If you are a Muslim, you have been dealing with triggers. If you are a woman, you have been dealing with triggers. And if you are black in America, you have been dealing with triggers, both from words and from guns.

When I hear Donald Trump talk with intense rage over Hillary Clinton during a debate, I hear my father screaming at my mother as my brother and I cried and banged on their door to get him to stop, then ran away to hide from him once he did and shifted to come for us. When I hear Donald Trump talk smugly about how smart he is, I see the familiar and sadistic smirk of a camp director who abused me and countless other young boys. He knew he would get away with it. When I hear Donald Trump talk about women, including his own daughter, I hear the voices of older men who raped young female friends of mine growing up; and I also hear the voices of the older men who saw me as an easy target as well. When I hear Donald Trump encourage his millions of supporters to take violent actions against minorities, I am reminded of how people were encouraged to take violent actions against me as a child, simply for being a Jew. When I hear Donald Trump talk about mass deportation of immigrants and Muslims, I hear the voice of Adolph Hitler deporting my family to other countries, then later to their deaths in the concentration camps. And when I hear his supporters, foaming at the mouth, screaming things like 'Killary' 'Lock her up' and 'Jew-S-A', I am frozen in a state of shock. When I am working out at the Christian-based Green Hills YMCA and I hear white women and men responding to yet another murder-by-police of an unarmed black civilian by saying 'Well if he just listened to the officer like we do, he would still be alive', I know deep in my soul that we are a nation beyond repair.

This was once the United States of America. It shouldn't take a massive terrorist attack to draw us closer to that place. I am simultaneously embarrassed of and terrified of my homeland. Who are we? What have we become? Regardless of who wins this election, I challenge all of you to search your souls and your conscience for answers. Please walk up to a mirror, look yourself directly in the eyes, and ask yourself: Am I really ok with all of this? Am I 'proud to be an American'? Or, is my 'patriotism' really a cloak for racism, bigotry, fear, and hatred? I would imagine it is hard to face these questions, especially for those out there who would have to answer yes. But this is the situation we are in and those are the most pertinent questions one can ask themselves this morning. If you survive those questions, go deeper: Am I helping matters by speaking out against racism, bigotry, fear, and hatred when I see it? Or am I going along with it? Am I remaining silent at a time when doing so means direct violence against blacks, Muslims, immigrants, Jews, and other minority groups?

In the 1980's, as AIDS took the world by storm and ravaged the gay community, an activist organization emerged called ACT UP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power). I marched with them several times in Greenwich Village as I was in NYC and NJ at the time. I was already living a life in the arts; specifically theater at the time. I am certain that to many in the south, this group seemed radical. But to those of us in the arts, watching so many people we loved dying all around us, as our President Ronald Reagan remained silent about the epidemic, the movement was anything but radical. It was a moral imperative. Not so different from the moral imperative we face right now as a nation. ACT UP came into my mind as I awoke this morning, November 1, 2016, a week before the most important Presidential election of our time. I was reminded of ACT UP due to the direction our nation has taken; specifically because ACT UP chose to use the Nazi symbol from the uniforms of homosexuals in the death camps for their logo; and specifically for their slogans calling the public to action: IGNORANCE = FEAR, SILENCE = DEATH.

Ignorance and fear fueled the rise of the conservative movement and led directly to Donald Trump. SILENCE now means DEATH to so many of your fellow Americans. This is not an exaggeration. This is happening right now, and in real time, right here in these once United States of America.

I beg all of you who have not yet voted to read this before you go out to the polls to vote. I beg you to consider these words and to take on that mantra. For those who have already voted, please share these words with any undecided friends, and with any supporters of Donald Trump. Please take this all in and may it guide your lives. Otherwise, this country of ours, it might be finished, for good.

IGNORANCE = FEAR, SILENCE = DEATH.

Be safe. Be strong. Be courageous. Do the right thing for our country.

http://www.actupny.org/reports/silencedeath.html

Yom Kippur 2016 - Reflection to action

Greetings to all my fellow #Jews and other humans. Yom Kippur is a solemn but deeply meaningful day on the #Jewish calendar. It is the holiest of all days. #YomKippur has gone from something I ignored for 30 years to something that helped clarify and empower my life last year after going through one of the worst crises I have ever faced.

What is Yom Kippur TO ME? Yom Kippur is a time for quiet rest from work, prayer for some and meditation for others, for mindfullness, for brutally honest reflection, and for fasting (which quite honestly enhances all that I previously listed)

Those who know anything about me know I am an atheist Jew. Racially and genetically, I am as much a Jew as my black friends are black. You just don't see it in my skin. (Though arguably the nose is a dead giveaway) I care deeply about my place in this world as one of very few Jews left alive. For this reason, most of us are a lively and active bunch hell bent on making a difference. Religious or not, Jews tend to feel strongly about social justice and repairing the world around us whenever possible.

I went to a Kol Nidre service last night. There are times I have live streamed that service from Central Synagogue in #NYC. #KolNidre is a beautiful, holy, deeply moving service. It touches the hearts of believers and atheists alike. At the service last night, I heard something from a rabbi that gave me pause. Now, before I go any further, and without naming this rabbi, I will say that I truly love and respect him and his family. They are wonderful members of the community at large and just great people.

I am paraphrasing here, halfway through my fast, but this was said: of the three things one must bring to temple and to the Yom Kippur holiday, the first and most important is a faith in god. And without that faith, everything else is just a show with good music, it would have no meaning. I didn't know how to react. Yom Kippur is a time when I do things to heal my soul. Whether it is picking up a guitar and writing songs; or writing a letter to my father disclosing everything I have ever wanted to say to him (as I did last year); or looking back at the failures of the last year of my life and not simply owning up to my part in them, but vowing to change my behaviors, responses and actions in the future.

Yom Kippur is good for ALL Jews. Even ones like me who have no faith in a god. I have faith in others, and I have faith in myself. And while I struggle constantly with those two faiths, they were the other two pieces of the three things one must bring to this holiday. For people who have been mistreated, abused, molested, beaten, stolen from, discriminated against, raped, mugged, or verbally or physically assaulted, trust comes about as easy as winning the lottery. My story is my own and I share it from time to time, but in this, I am speaking universally.

We exist in a time marked by hatred, mistrust, violence, greed, misogyny, xenophobia, anti-semitism, islamaphobia, gun violence, racism, poverty, bigotry, and so on. Many times over the past 8 years, I have wanted to give up, pack all my things, and leave Nashville. But upon honest reflection, I can see, even as an atheist, that my life has purpose and meaning here. When I encounter hatred, I combat it with love. When I encounter greed, I offer generosity. When I encounter xenophobia and bigotry, I counter with calm conversation and questions about why someone might hate. When I encounter poverty, I offer my services and volunteer to help children who have very little hope. I can do much more of this and I certainly hope to.

Yom Kippur is a Jewish holiday, but the concept of reflection and vowing to improve our lives and our positive impact on the world around us is a beautiful notion that all humans would benefit from. I could write a list a mile long of everything I have done wrong over the last year, everyone I called an asshole and worse (despite them earning it) everyone I felt the urge to retaliate against who had wronged me instead of simply letting it go. On Yom Kippur more than any other day, I am in touch with the reality that in those instances, it is I who suffers, not them. There are things I can do much better. Things I want for my life. They aren't material. They are love. Companionship. Family. Peace.

While I spend the next 12 hours of this fast reflecting on the last year; how I can change and grow over the next 12 months to become a better version of me, I want to share one thing I have shared before and one thing I haven't:

First, the greatest moment of the last year that stands out. It has nothing to do with any celebrities I worked with, nor with any personal commercial successes. Over the summer, thanks to my friend Lij Shaw​​ , I had the honor of working with underserved teens in the downtown Nashville Library. On the third floor, they have a little recording studio that is free for the kids to use and they bring in recording industry professionals from the community to mentor them. Nothing could have been more personally rewarding than one particular day. I was working with a 15 year old black girl. Her family lives far below the poverty line and they do the best to fend for themselves, but have very little in the way of resources. Well, it turns out, that girl was an incredibly talented singer and I absolutely let her know! We sat together and wrote a song. We recorded it. By the end, she was in tears. When I asked what was wrong, she responded, and I will never forget these words:

"No one has ever told me I was good at anything".

I relate to her on so many levels. And I am so grateful that I was able to be there for her. This is the very best of what I can do on this earth in my lifetime. To help kids who grew up in very abusive situations and are taught they are worthless, that there is no hope. Even when I still struggle with my own lack of hope, I can provide it to them. And in doing so, that brings great purpose and meaning to my life. I hope to do more of that this coming year.

The other thing I want to mention is very relevant especially as we come to the end of the most divisive, violent, and horrible election cycle this nation has ever experienced. This notion I share appears in many forms in all religious texts. But having traveled the world, and being especially sensitive to Islamaphobia during this election year, I will paraphrase from the #Muslim text, the Holy Quran...

'whoever kills a soul - it is as if he had slain mankind entirely. And whoever saves one - it is as if he had saved mankind entirely.' - Quran 5:32

I often explain to people that NYC is the greatest city in America. Perhaps in the world. It is a place where people of all nations and all faiths came together and became one thing: New Yorkers. There were no divisions besides good or bad and they all lived together and worked their differences out. Yom Kippur drives home this concept of good and bad. While atheists like myself take the karma approach, there is no right or wrong way to arrive at right and wrong, nor good and bad. Just know that those are real destinations. Whatever gets you there gets you there. Some take an Uber, some drive their own car, and still others hop on public transportation. But at the end of the day, we are all the same and must treat each other accordingly.

If we see a woman begging on the side of the road with a sign, that is OUR sister. If we see a man berating a woman in public, that is OUR brother berating OUR mother or friend. If we see an old woman trying desperately to hold onto both her dignity and groceries while getting to her car, that is OUR grandmother. If we see a child with bruises running aimlessly down a street, scared, confused, hungry, alone, that is OUR child. And when we see bombs fall in far away lands that wipe out entire families celebrating a wedding, that is OUR family that has just been murdered. This is my Yom Kippur. I don't have god, but I will try as I always do to not be a dick in the coming year. I will try to take personal ownership of the suffering of my fellow humans. I will without prejudice call those people out who would seek to harm or oppress others.

If you are a Jew and fasting, may you also reflect on these things. If you are NOT a Jew (as most of my friends are not... we make up only 0.22% of the world population) please consider these things anyway. As far as religions go, Judaism is mostly concerned with social justice and personal actions (mitzvoth) to help others and the world around you. I wouldn't tell anyone to fast, though I find it meaningful. But I do wish for all people in the world to consider deeply the things I have touched on here.

Peace and love to you all
Russell Wolff

Tonight we lost a great Jew. RIP Shimon Peres.

Shimon Peres - A fierce warrior. A beloved peacenik.

There aren't many Jews left on the earth. My people now make up less than one quarter of one percent of the world's population. Maybe that's why we are so loud, why we make our presence felt, why we live boldly with a sense of urgency, why we stand by others and why we work so hard to make a difference in our communities and the greater world around us.

Tonight we lost one of the greatest Jews we had. It's been a tough year for that. Shimon Peres had his flaws, as we all do. But unlike so many people in this world, he dedicated a huge portion of his life to love, peace, prosperity, and understanding. To bringing people together at a time when the world is being torn apart. Along with Bill Clinton and Yasir Arafat (who seems like an angel compared to some of the people we have seen since he passed), he was forging a path towards peace and stability in a region most infamous for land disputes, war, and terror.

There aren't many Jews left and no single man or woman is perfect. But Shimon Peres was one of the best we had. He gave hope to the world. He brought light to the darkness. He brought love to the hate. May his beautiful soul rest in peace.

#RIP #ShimonPeres #Israel

Shimon Peres - Dies at 93

#15thAnniversary of #9/12: The Golden Age of Blind Patriotism

The 15th anniversary of 9/12
- The Golden Age of Blind Patriotism

A lot of polarizing things happened yesterday. Some involved me, and in the same vain, some involved highly paid football players that have decided to use their fame and visibility to advance a cause we should all be fighting for in America.

Let there be no confusion: The first responders who ran full speed into the burning towers without any regard for their own safety to attempt the impossible [saving the lives of people on the top floors] are heroes. But regardless of the circumstances or scale or loaded emotions going on right at this moment, activists are heroes as well.

I carry much grief from 9/11. Not more than others. Not less than others. I don't compare my grief. But I was close enough to see many of the events of that day and the aftermath unfold with my own eyes, not a TV set.

With that said, I spontaneously did something yesterday quite different than I had done in previous years. My 'protest' of celebrating survival, resilience, and the continuance of life was not expected of me. While it was viewed as genuine, strong, and heartfelt by some, others viewed it as self-serving, insensitive, and disingenuous.

Instead of my normal annual somber reflection, 15 years felt like the right time to shift. I looked at life today. I posted examples of living, loving, and surviving after getting through the 11th, and what that looks like 15 years later. The day after the trauma, the 12th in this case, will always be the bigger story.

While the response was mostly positive, as noted above, some questioned my motives, my compassion, and attacked my character. So today, I ask a series of rhetorical questions:

For those who were offended by my response to 15 years of gratuitous trauma mongering and snuff porn that plays out annually in the media on 9/11, and also to those who support 'blind patriotism', (which is patently racist) the kind that was on full display directly after 9/11 and led to so much war and hate, and who go along with the demonization of activist athletes who have been fighting for a cause we should all be fighting for...

What do you do to commemorate Holocaust Remembrance Day? What do you avoid doing on that day to avoid being disrespectful to the millions of Jews and others who were slaughtered?

What do you do to honor the 1,000,000 plus innocent Muslim men, women, and children slaughtered in cold blood in Iraq and Afghanistan by the United States you blindly pledge allegiance to?

What do you do to commemorate the genocide carried out against America's indigenous population by the Europeans on the very land you own your split-level ranch on? Is Columbus some sort of hero for you?

What do you do when a white police officer takes out his weapon and murders an unarmed black person because of a simple wrong turn or tail light being out? Do you say: 'well if those people would just follow the instructions of the officer, they'd still be alive!' (I hear that a lot from the treadmills and bikes at the Green Hills YMCA)

What do you do when a mentally unstable white supremacist is very close to becoming the president of your country and runs for office on a thinly veiled platform of fear, paranoia, xenophobia, violence, sexism, and hatred against non-whites, Hispanics, Muslims, immigrants, and others? Do you remain silent then? Do you view him as a patriot?

Do you understand the principles and ideals this country was built on? What the words liberty, freedom, and equality actually mean?

There are so many more examples as EVERY day on the American calendar marks a tragedy... 93 dead from guns, Virginia Tech, Columbine, the 1993 WTC bombing, OKC bombing. 3,000 Americans were murdered in one made-for-tv attack, one one single horrifying day, but 385,000 have died from guns since then. Everyone in the world is outraged and traumatized about those deaths except American gun owners.

It is very easy to criticize brave people from the safety of your couch and the warm glow of your iDevices. But the people you are speaking out against are the real heroes.

They are standing up or sitting down, speaking out and remaining silent. They are taking risks without regard for their safety in order to do what is right in a most dangerous time for our nation. What you think or say about them has very little bearing on what they do. It does not deter them. It fuels them. And on some days the 'them' is 'us'.

Blind patriotism is shameful, racist, and disgusting. One of the greatest performing acts of all time made a single statement of apology and compassion for the horrible war crimes our country and president were carrying out. How did America respond? Their records were burned and their careers were done for many years.

So if the actions of terrorists are supposed to change what we do and say for an entire day every single year, haven't we let them win? Where is your patriotism then? Where is your resolve? Where is your strength? Where is your courage? Because America  needs it right now more than it ever has. True patriotism, not the fake stuff on tv.